5:38am
Up thinking about a lot of stuff. Mostly things I want to change within my life. I have so many goals I want to complete…but right now everything seems so unattainable. The only goal I’ve reached this year is within the past week I’ve cut down on smoking cigarettes A LOT. I went from smoking almost 2 packs a day a week ago…to now maybe 2 - 4 cigs every other day. I am not sure I will quit completely.. but I will be cutting down. I’ve been spending most of my days by myself since moving back home. I see my best friend (which feels like my only friend) here & there. Besides that… I have no other human contact unless it’s with my mom/younger brother. I barely talk to my online friends as well… it’s like everyone has forgotten I exist. I feel really alone. People can say “no man you’re not alone you’ve got so many people who care” blah blah. That may be true…but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel utterly alone… like no one has my back, no one is on my side. I feel completely alone in the truest sense of the word. My mind is in a weird place..

Hopefully I can start making some progress with the things I want to change.  

7 notes Reblog 1 year ago

I’ve always been a fat kid. Here’s the proof. I was 2 years old. lol. That’s my mom next to me btw.

27 notes Reblog 1 year ago

Found this amongst my things in my moms house.
Original VHS of Heavyweights.
I wish I had a VHS player right now. 

21 notes Reblog 1 year ago

Moving out.

Today is the last day for me to move my shit out of my apartment. Heading back to my moms house for a month or so till I get my new apartment with a friend. Hopefully I can get internet in the room over there or something. 

Also, while cleaning I found some of Doctor’s (my cat who passed recently) stuff/toys. So much shit is hitting me at once. I am surprised that I am keeping myself together. =/ 

I really miss you Doctor. 

15 notes Reblog 1 year ago

Look what I found while cleaning. =O

32 notes Reblog 1 year ago

euphoricslumber:

For: Destroyer
Know times are hard and the worlds going to shit, but people care maybe no one you can meet but you’re in the minds of many dude. You’re talent is sick and themes keep me coming back love all the work. Hope all you’re problems sort themselves out.

WOW! Thank you so much for this! This seriously made my day. Thank you!

(via euphoricslumber-deactivated2013)

12 notes Reblog 1 year ago

My life is falling apart around me. I should be a mess right now. I guess I am to a certain extent. I am just keeping it all inside & forgetting about it. But to my surprise I am calm & careless right now. It’ll probably hit me once Friday comes around. 

9 notes Reblog 1 year ago

I forgot to mention this woman I met today.

I met this sweet old black woman earlier today. She was really nice to me… even though we obviously come from two different worlds. It was surprising that while we were waiting for our doctor…she acknowledged me as a human being & started a conversation with me. Which in person not many people do with me.. they take one look & think I am some horrible person. She even approached my stretched lobes in a respectable manner. She didn’t call them gauges! All she said was “OH MY! Your ear lobes! That’s so cool but ouch! Did you start with smaller earrings & move on to bigger sizes till you got to where you are now?” I was a bit in shock but replied with…”Actually… yes that’s basically what I did.” She also saw my leg tattoos & thought they were pretty cool. When I told her I drew them her face lit up & she told me that was amazing. We even got on the subject of religion… I flat-out told her that I don’t believe in anything religious. I believe in myself & try to be happy with my life. She told me she respected that & began to laugh then said, “me on the other hand I am a woman of faith! *raises hand* praise jesus!” We both laughed & continued to talk about family, friends & other random things.

That woman was awesome. I still hate most people.. but I sincerely appreciate her taking that bit of time to acknowledge me & just talk. =)

86 notes Reblog 1 year ago

In honor of Doctor I shall get completely smashed tonight. 

10 notes Reblog 1 year ago

I got Doctor’s ashes today & they also gave me his little footprint.
I am extremely bummed out right now. =(

23 notes Reblog 1 year ago

my plug collection.

30 notes Reblog 1 year ago

Check out what my mom got for me at Goodwill for $6.00. \m/

8 notes Reblog 1 year ago

(Source: destroyer)

23 notes Reblog 1 year ago

Finally got around to hanging up these bad boys. I get to wake up to them every morning. <3

13 notes Reblog 1 year ago

I was bored so I drew what I loved the most. Pizza <3

998 notes Reblog 2 years ago