Interesting.

I, a non white, can be arrested, thrown in jail, treated like scum & not let out unless I pay the bail or wait in jail for 4 days.

But my white friend can be caught drunk driving in a car that isn’t his, held for an hour, no charges or tickets & told he can call someone to come get him.

Cool.

23 notes
12 hours ago
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I tried reaching out to a friend today just to check on them & make sure they were ok.

I feel like they metaphorically slapped my hand away. It kinda sucks. I just want to make sure they are ok, check on them, etc. Things like this you have to have patience but it’s so hard sometimes. ugh.

7 notes
2 days ago
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YouTube

I am putting together my first video for Youtube. It’s more of an introduction thing. I feel so fucking awkward doing this. It’s kinda scary. I hate making videos of myself. I don’t feel attractive/interesting enough to do this. I am still going to give it a shot. Ugh

7 notes
4 days ago
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So I seen these shirts at Walmart today…. WTF. lol why? I kinda want them all though. lmao. (@dyinglite)

37 notes
4 days ago
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1 Year

My anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up in 2 months. Time goes by so fast. I still get butterflies in my stomach around him. I didn’t think that would be possible but it is. I still even crush on him like we aren’t even dating..haha. I love the buff nerdy meat head he is. I love you Guy.

23 notes
2 weeks ago
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Drinking

I haven’t had a drink/been drunk since once in February & one time in October. I’ve cut down my drinking significantly. I loved drinking. I used to do it a lot. But not so much anymore.

Right now I am kinda tipsy/drunk.The one thing I hated about drinking was I start to think A LOT, reflect on my life/the things in my life & wonder about what I really want in life.

I just want to feel good, eat food & not feel sad/shitty thoughts. lol.

14 notes
2 weeks ago
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Gay Youtube

I can’t wait to build this courage up/get the right equipment to make youtube videos. I am getting a little bothered with some of these gay dudes that are popular on youtube who are suppose to represent gay men. I do not feel represented at all. Hopefully I can show a little diversity & that other gay men exist outside of the typical “twink-fem-yasssgurl~” stereotype that most people have of gay dudes.

23 notes
3 weeks ago
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I didn’t get jumped.

I just got back from walking to the gas station. I was inside getting ready to make a purchase & this big group of dudes asked me to buy them a blunt wrap. I said, “naw I can’t do that”. They got an attitude.. said, “ight bet”. They went outside. I make my purchase, step outside, they are all outside huddled up. I can’t take these dudes on. So I go the opposite direction.. I just looked forward, kept walking but I could hear them behind me. I tried to call someone to come get me but they didn’t pick up. Luckily I was able to ditch them & made it home.

But come on… all of that over a blunt wrap? Pathetic.

34 notes
1 month ago
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Masculine | Feminine

I’m getting tired of that whole thing. I’m tired of feeling like I have to be one or the other. The moment I style my hair & decide to dress nice… I’m labeled “feminine”. Because I have this deep voice, masculine appearance/traits & a beard… I have to be & do all things that stick to the masculine title. I don’t like labels or being labeled. I’m not a fan of categories either. Why can’t I just be?

38 notes
1 month ago
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I’ve learned that I am a very jealous & insecure person. It’s been acknowledged. Facing that truth is hard…. now my next step is to grow from that. Not sure how but I feel like I am on the right path. I hope.

18 notes
1 month ago
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Over the course of 8 - 10 months I have lost 2,000+ followers from both not posting as much & certain things I posted bothered people. Which is fine & completely understandable. I never knew I would amass so many followers on here. It’s crazy. Despite what people may think I appreciate all of you. I appreciate any & all support, every reblog, every like, every message, every follow I get. I am really thankful for all of it. Tumblr has gotten me through some tough shit over the years & has also given me so many laughs, I’ve even learned a lot because of tumblr. I’ve also gained some pretty cool life long friends from here. I am forever thankful for this site, all that it has to offer & all of you.

I hope you all continue to follow me & enjoy my blog. Thank you so much.

23 notes
1 month ago
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Body Positivity

I’ve seen so many cool posts promoting body positivity for women of all shapes & sizes… That stuff is awesome. I am definitely supportive of it. The thing that bothers me is that I rarely see anything geared toward men. I just wish I could see more of that on my dashboard & in the world. 

Personally I know I struggle with being positive about my body & I know many other dudes of all shapes & sizes who struggle with this too. It’d be nice to see more light shed on the issues that some of us men deal with.

18 notes
1 month ago
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YouTube

I’ve been considering making YouTube videos for the longest time. I’m just not sure what they’d be about. I don’t know if I am funny, attractive, interesting enough or have what it takes. Hell Idk where I would start.

3 notes
1 month ago
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Job Hunting Rant

I’ve been applying for jobs for several months now. I’ve had no luck… of the dozens of places I’ve applied for I’ve had 2 interviews.

Interview 1: Was for the boys & girls club. It didn’t work out because my plugs/lip piercings were a slight issue. Fast forward a few months (this month) The girl hired for the position has the same piercings & stretched out ears & even has green tipped hair. And not only that it turns out the lady who interviewed me was stealing money from the boys & girls club and was fired. -_- 

Interview 2: Sally’s Beauty. They had NO problem with my piercings/plugs. Even loved my hair. I even had a few of the female employees recommend me. I’ve been calling back for almost a month or 2. I finally was able to get a hold of the manager (who never seems to be there) today & she tells me oh its you! You were actually highly recommended but I already gave the position to someone else.

I have past work experience. I dress nice for getting applications/interviews. I have a smile on my face. I am very polite. Persistent about these positions I’ve applied for/shown interest in… I even get recommendations from people working at these places. I do all that I can but nothing seems to work. 

I feel so discouraged right now. I am fuckin broke. I need a job. I need money. I have bills to pay & things I need to do. I’m living on barely $200 a month. This shit is really bumming me out.

=/

8 notes
1 month ago
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I need to make music again.

I need to pour all of this anger, rage, stress, hate  & heartache that I harbor into some really heavy pissed off music. I can feel my soul aching to release this shit cause I know there are others out there who feel/think the way I do.

10 notes
2 months ago
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