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Let shit go

This is a message to myself & others like me. Holding on to shit & letting fear take over will bring nothing good into your life. The more you hold onto the bullshit the more you set yourself up for faliure, disappointment & sadness. Holding onto this shit can really prevent potential happiness & good things from coming into your life.

I usually give vague details of my life on here only out of fear of judgements & sometimes I flat out lie about how great things are in my life just so I can have a false sense of feeling good. Fear & holding onto shit is ruining me. I will not let it do this anymore. I’m tired of it. It’s time to change.

To be honest…. I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to my boyfriend lately. All because I can’t seem to let go of the shit people have done to me & letting my fears control my actions as well as emotions. I find it so hard to grant him the same understanding, patients & love he gives me. Why? because I am holding onto bullshit & don’t know how to just let go.

Guy I am sorry for taking you for granted. I’m sorry for not trusting you the way you trust me. I love you.

Relationships

I don’t think anyone knows how a relationship is suppose to work or how to be in a relationship in general. You just kinda figure it out along the way with whomever you are with. I feel that there are some things that work for some couples that don’t work for others. Figuring this shit out is such a fuckin headache sometimes.

When I buy something I make sure to get all the use I can out of it.

It’s almost an obsession for me. When I buy things, especially shit I deem expensive, I will try to get every last ounce of use out of it.

I’ve had my office chair & desk for almost 6 years.. the chair fell apart today. My desk is next. Fuck!

My boyfriend likes some of the death metal I listen to

When it comes to family I felt I had a certain obligation & loyalty to them. NOT TRUE. I realized today just because you share some DNA doesn’t mean you owe them shit. You don’t have to love nor care for the family/people you were born into. 

living with medical conditions/disorders ARE NOT CUTE OR FUN.

I sometimes take my tumblr for granted.

Thank you all for following me. New followers & especially people who have been following me for years. Thanks for sticking around. <3

Life is changing. I am so fucking nervous right now. 

Female Friends

I wish I had more female friends. Female friends that don’t treat me as an accessory, or treat me like their gay pet or title themselves as my “fag hag”. 

College

So I was finally admitted into college today. I graduated high school 9 years ago. It’s been some time since I’ve been in any school environment. lol. This is going to be so strange. I start this summer/fall.

Damn

The girl I dated before I fully came out passed away today. I’m not crushed but I feel some sadness. This was a person I shared a moment of time with. It’s so surreal. RIP Tina

I want to say something. I will get shit for this most likely.

The non judgmental understanding open side of myself when referring/talking to someone will be sure to use proper gender pronouns people are comfortable with as well as understanding & respecting what they identify as.

The ignorant asshole part of myself wonders if some of you are just making this shit up. I feel like tumblr has turned some of the lbgtq community into pretentious boobs when it comes to gender identity/identity itself.  

With that said…I COMPLETELY ADMIT to my ignorance. I don’t fully understand it all. When it comes to gender identity I am still trying to learn. I want to learn more & be just a little bit more respectful.

Yeah.

My boyfriend & our friend Jake made me this cake today. lmao. I love them so much for this. Perfect cake. (@dyinglite)

Galaxy S4

I’ve had it a full 2 months now. It’s an amazing phone. I seriously would recommend it to anyone. But…. one thing about phones these days is that they don’t have slide out keyboards. I really miss having a sidekick. I miss the keyboard. Tbh that was the best phone I’ve ever had. lol

5 Days till my birthday

My birthday is in 5 days. I just realized I haven’t had a good birthday in several years. My last birthday I caught my ex setting up hookups on grindr, I had another birthday where no one remembered but my mom, for a few years an ex never did anything for me, not even a card.. his video games/online gaming were more important. I’ve cried on all of my birthdays for the past 7 years.

Lets see what this year holds.